3 Reasons NOT To Suck Up To The Boss

suck-up brown-noser at workBy Adam Alvarado

The brown-noser.The behind-kisser.The groveler.

You know who I'm talking about.

There's always one, isn't there? There's always some unfortunate dude or lady at work or amongst your friends who thinks their ticket to success or inclusion is to suck up to any and everyone whose position they envy – beyond what is necessary or appropriate; beyond what their pride or integrity should allow.

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Soulless losers with no opinions or spine of their own.

You know... the ones you hate, the ones you can't stand, the ones that kinda make you puke inside JUST a little bit.

Or, maybe it's YOU.

You think pretending you share some group's lame interests shows your similarities. You think ripping on others LIKE you to those NOT shows your strengths against their weaknesses. You think doing your bosses laundry when he has no right to ask shows your determination and willingness to do what it takes.

In today's white-collar world, where competition is fierce and status means more and more, the temptation to become one of "them" – a total behind-kisser – is becoming stronger.

But why should you NOT do it? Why should you put yourself or career at risk to those who will?

Why be yourself when kissing-behinds is so easy and (maybe) so profitable?

1. People want it, but they don't respect it.
People LOVE themselves. They LOVE hearing how awesome they are, because it makes them feel important and valued. It makes them feel good. We all do.

And so there's nothing more awesome in the world to a person's ego then some dude worshipping at their feet; who'd DO anything and SAY anything to feed the narrative in their minds that they're so important or so powerful.

But do you think they RESPECT this person? Do you think they view them as equals?


Respect is something shared amongst those who'd have reason to respect each other. In the social pyramid of society, respect is lateral.

Worship, though, is only ever upwards.

Because people worthy of respect do NOT kiss behinds. And when you do so, you show your true place on that pyramid.

And it isn't high.

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2. You think it helps you, but it labels you.
You think by going above and beyond what is reasonably necessary or AT ALL expected will help you. You think it'll win you favor or esteem in the eyes of those above you – so that when the boss is in search of someone to fill that new position, or when the social circle you're trying to claw your way into needs another friend, they'll come crawling to you – because you have so much in common, and speak so highly of them, and do so much for them.

And maybe they will.

But you will NEVER be an equal.

You'll have won what you wanted, but received what you DIDN'T expect – that when you're the behind-kisser for the INITIAL time you know a person, you're expected to be the behind-kisser for the REMAINING time you know that person.

You are and remain – in their mind – the behind-kissing lesser person they can control and push around.

Your position may change. But your status does not.

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3. Your pride and integrity are worth more than the salary you make or the "friends" you have.
When you think you're less than others and behave as though you're less than others, you BECOME less than others. You ARE less. You are nothing to them.

When you do every freaking thing they tell you to do, and tell them every freaking thing you THINK they wanna hear, you show nothing of your value. Only that you have none at all. Only that your Self means nothing to you and should, then, mean nothing to them.

But what is your pride worth? What is your integrity worth?

FAR more, I promise you, than any job you might get, or salary you may earn.

So GET the job. GET the friends. Get whatever you want from whoever you want.

But EARN it.

Get it because you've commanded their respect and they value you as You. Not because all they know of you, and all they remember of you, is that you eagerly bend a knee, to kiss their behind.

Because you don't need to grovel, or suck up, or kiss behinds to get what you want in life.

Adam Alvarado is the founder of The Last Broken Home, where he writes about how the effects of our childhood and circumstances (our broken homes) create the messed up lives we now lead, and how to change it. You can be his BFF on Facebook or stalk him on Twitter.

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Just do your job to your best ability and leave the ass kissing to those who have no self esteem.Some Bosses appreciate your willingness to want the company to thrive by doing your job. The problem with my workplace is that there is an ass kisser that just started 8 months ago and all he does is tell the supervisor how wonderful he is and how great. This guy doe not meet quotas because he spends his time on his cell phone, walks around talking to other workers, and smoking outside every 15 min then the boss wants me to take up his slack which I flatly refuse to do. I just let the supervisor know that if he would expect this guy to stay by his machine and actually DO his job there wouldn't be a problem with his jobs getting out in a timely fashion. Basically, do my job and his is what the supervisor expected. The supervisor was threatened with bodily harm from this guy on his 3 week there, but when the supervisor took him in front of the owner, the guy turned his whole strategy around and started ******* up big time. The problem is, my supervisor is a big head that loves ass kissing no matter how he has to get it UGH!!

November 22 2013 at 8:20 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

BOSS--- spelled backwards is double S O B, and that fits some i have had.
regardless of others say, my self esteem and pride can't be bought, by being an ass kisser.

June 28 2012 at 10:07 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

My corporate motto was" never met a pair of boots I couldn't lick"

June 28 2012 at 1:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I am absolutely a brown noser. I don't snitch and tattle. I'm not out to advance by backstabbing. I am out to simply not get fired. I have never even asked my boss for so much as a day off, nor have I denied any request, no matter how outlandish. Dignity and self esteem are fine. But food on the table and a roof over my head is worth a hell of a lot more. On the other hand, I don't so much as mention the names of anyone inside the company to anyone. Not only is it rude, it's bad karma.

June 27 2012 at 9:59 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to classygirlkq1's comment

You ARE worthwhile! You don't have to be a subordinate nor ADAMANT, just assertive. Stress your strong points. Show that you are a member of the team or group or unit. If your employment team is not on the same page......find another employer.

June 27 2012 at 10:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

These are the people that management love and will keep over a hard worker every time which is sad, I have had to watch it happen over 30 some years of working. I just do my job and let these a$$ kisser do there thing as my favorite saying goes around in my head "what goes around come around".

June 27 2012 at 6:37 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply

I hate those type of people and always prided myself on not being one.

But lets be honest. Those are the people who somehow manage to keep their job while others are being let go.

June 27 2012 at 6:00 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply

Three reasons why you shouldn't suck up, let's see
Your dignity
Your self-esteem
Ultimately, you won't get ahead in the company,anyway.
Is dignity and self-esteem the same thing????
Well Kim, K has no dignity, but she seems to think highly of herself, so she would have self-esteem. So no they are not the same.

June 27 2012 at 5:50 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
The Boss

Love this article! I have always worked hard, did a good job and actually didn't associate with anyone in the office. I was always friendly and respectful, but there are a majority of people in the workforce that could care less about their jobs and only want to gossip, tattle and cause trouble instead of actually doing the work they have been hired and paid to do. Needless to say, I was promoted as Manager of the office and I can tell you people would come to me with all sorts of crap and I simply did not put up with it. I would tell them if they did not have better things to do (they had plenty of work to do) that I would assign them something else to do. After a while, they ALL got the message.

June 27 2012 at 4:06 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
Annette Hammond

And the brown nosers are also the ones that tattle and gossip.This is a BIG thing at walmart stores.Even the asst.managers have brown noses.And also lie.

June 27 2012 at 2:16 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I agree with freeradicals.. I was raised NOT to kiss anyone's rear.. just work hard & stick to your beliefs.. I myself work with a brown noser AND she too is a snitch!! This woman however is a hard worker, she is not a slacker so I dont get why she feels the need to kiss up. I work in a group of 3 & the other coworker & I both work as quickly & efficiently as we can. . but this other woman acts like it's a race to get our tasks finished.. she thinks it's very important to be the 1st one out of us 3 done with anything, and she will make sure the boss knows she got done first There is NO teamwork, it's all I.. I.. ME ME ME and if she gets caught up instead of asking me or our other coworker if she can help us, she runs to the boss or emails the boss & tells them she did extra work.. I'm sorry but if you want to help your coworkers, shouldnt you ASK them if you can help them, rather than just tell the boss you did??? it is so sickening..

June 27 2012 at 1:46 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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