Crazy Excuses To Escape Work

What bugs you the most about your job? And what crazy excuses would you give to escape your office? These were the questions that the corporate research consultancy Wakefield Associates explored in an online survey of 1,013 office workers for Citrix, a Fort Lauderdale-based tech company.

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In an era of high unemployment, when many are pounding the pavement desperate for work, it turns out many of those who do have steady employment actually feel miserable. So crummy that a recent survey found that one of out of every two workers are ready to quit their job. "The job market is like A Tale of Two Cities -- the Wall Street guys and CEOs make billions and the rest of us can't figure out how we got stuck in those damn cubicles," writes Adam Chromy and Jill Morris on their the website, Please Fire Me. (Chromy and Morris wrote an accompanying book.) The two also pose the question, have we really advanced at all past the assembly line, even with all our digital technology?

More: 7 Part-Time Jobs That Pay Up To $40 An Hour

Indeed, the results from the Citrix study demonstrate that no aspect of the workday grind doesn't drag down workers in 2012. (Though, it must be noted, that workers' feelings toward their paychecks weren't explored.) Their complaints fall into three categories:

  • Annoying colleagues. About 1 in 2 (49 percent) report working with a know-it-all. About the same number (44 percent) gripe that they have to deal with a co-worker who is a "whiner." Slightly less (40 percent) are annoyed by a "gossip" in their office.
  • Bad bosses. Nearly 1 in 3 (30 percent) schedule vacation time so that they see their boss as little as possible. About 1 in 5 (21 percent) say they are in greater need of a break from their boss than their actual job.
  • Dreadful company events. The vast majority (74 percent) say they hated at least one event hosted by their employer. About 1 in 3 (34 percent) resented participating in costume contests, while 31 percent cited the team-building activities. For men, office baby showers were awful (42 percent), while women hated the staff photos (31 percent).

And so, perhaps it's not surprising that people tell some pretty tall tales to get out of work. But here are 10 really ridiculous excuses people gave for not showing up, according to this fairly unscientific survey.

  1. "My numerologist told me not to come in."
  2. "It's Elvis' birthday."
  3. "I'm having toenail issues."
  4. "My bicycle ran out of gas."
  5. "I'm dieting."
  6. "Gas is too expensive."
  7. "I drank too much Sunkist and was too tired to come in."
  8. "Dog sprayed by a skunk."
  9. "All my clothes are in the washer now, I have nothing to wear."
  10. "I had to see where my gardener was really planting everything that I wanted and paid for."

How much do you hate your job? And what lies have you told to get out of work? Share in the comments section below.

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Filed under: Employment News
Dan Fastenberg

Dan Fastenberg

Associate Editor

Dan Fastenberg was most recently a reporter with TIME Magazine. Previously, he was a writer for the Thomson Reuters news service's Latin America desk. He was also a reporter and associate editor for the Buenos Aires Herald while living in South America.

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27 Comments

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Pantino4

When part of corporate America, would actually just say, I need week off.

January 02 2013 at 7:52 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
cheaphooch

I once had a worker call 30 min. before shift to say he would not be there due to his having hardening of the penis. PR paid him for the time missed!

July 08 2012 at 5:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
fredoconn

Annoying colleagues. About 1 in 2 (49 percent) report working with a know-it-all. About the same number (44 percent) gripe that they have to deal with a co-worker who is a "whiner." Slightly less (40 percent) are annoyed by a "gossip" in their office.

That describes the one and only pain in the *ss I work with: know-it-all, whiner, & gossip.

June 30 2012 at 12:20 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
lignas

My driveway is flooded, can't get my car outta garage!

June 29 2012 at 10:47 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
sshawbunny

My neighbors retaining wall crumbled and fell in the road and I can't get my car around it.

June 29 2012 at 10:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Debra

Years ago when I was working in this office, there was this guy there that called in at least twice a week, he was in college at the time and our boss told us that he called in and said that he wouldn't be in because had to have both his kidneys removed, but he'll be in tomorrow.

June 29 2012 at 8:14 PM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply
Tom

I did not use this but, had a FORMER co-worker do so....."My electricity is out. And, I have no way to get my car out of the garage". True story!

June 29 2012 at 6:39 PM Report abuse +3 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Tom's comment
valgaavmiko

Mine too. I think they're too stupid to realize most people know you can manually push your garage door up when the power is out.

June 30 2012 at 3:50 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bildaws

The Wildest Excuses to Get Out of Work

I'm waiting on my bama money.

June 29 2012 at 5:47 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Just Blaze

I was driving extra fast to get there bc I really needed to use the bathroom. I hit a big bump and I accidently crapped my pants. I had to turn around and go home. Now Im sick to my stomach from having to sit in that and then clean myself and my car. Sadly they believed it and I got paid.

June 29 2012 at 3:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Just Blaze

I craped my pants while I was driving. I have to go back home and shower.

June 29 2012 at 3:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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