Mother's Day: Is Motherhood Really A Job?

motherhood a jobEvery year in time for Mother's Day, Salary.com produces a figure showing how much you'd have to pay for the job of "mom." The answer is always in the six-figures for stay-at-home moms. It is based on mothers' estimates of how much time they spend doing various tasks, which -- like all time-use estimates -- tend to be higher than what time-use studies have found. The dollar figure for motherhood also involves adding a lot of cash for overtime.

In the past, Salary.com has not added the same proportion of overtime to employed mothers' hypothetical salary total. In part for that reason, the "motherhood" paycheck for employed women tends to be about $50,000 lower (though most families that employ full-time nannies while both parents work do not pay that as an annual salary).

Regardless, I have been thinking about this forthcoming number in light of the recent flap over Ann Romney, and how she'd "never worked a day in her life." It's a stupid comment.

If I go weed the lawn, I'm "working in the yard" even though I'm not getting paid for it. Even if she had a nanny to help (which I don't know she did), a brood of five involves a lot of effort from a sheer managerial perspective. And a lot of hands-on work too. We have a full-time nanny, and yet on any given weekday I will still be doing mommy work from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m., a few nursing breaks, and then from 6 p.m. to likely 9 p.m. or later. To say nothing of weekends.

I would also imagine that Ann Romney did quite a bit of work to support her husband's career on the social side -- entertaining various executives from Bain's portfolio companies, attending functions, just as she's doing now for the campaign. We don't have a good word for this kind of job, but there's a lot of it in the rarefied realms of more traditional industries.

The Difference Between Work And A Job

The issue arises from the use of "work" and "job" interchangeably. And here we get at a different question. Is parenthood a job? I'm not sure that putting family caretaking in the same category as a paid job does much good for our larger cultural debates. For starters, most people have one main paid job. Putting family caretaking in that same category implies a dichotomy: You can't have two big jobs. And parenting is certainly a vast undertaking!

Yet the vast majority of parents do both. It is the rare father who does absolutely no caretaking, even if he works a lot. And these days, it's the rare mother who is not in the workforce at some point while her children are still living at home. Maybe some people believe children are shortchanged as a result. But in two-parent families, children are getting a lot more parental time and attention than they did in an era when more women "never worked a day in their lives."

Looking Past The Paycheck

A second point: We are just back from vacation, and my husband and I are both swamped with work. I was explaining to my oldest son about why we were working. I said there were two reasons. One is we earn money for it and the second is that we enjoy it. While I happen to be in the same field I'd be in if I'd never had to work a day in my life, I would probably do things slightly differently if I weren't getting paid. Earning money is a component of it being a job. But no one needs to pay me to talk with my kids, play with my kids, read with my kids, discipline my kids. It's more akin to being a member of a religion. No one needs to pay you to go to worship services or pay you so you'll strive to be a better disciple. You do it because it's challenging work that you find meaningful.

Arguing over whether mothers "work" backs the discussion into a corner that gives us the mommy wars, and headlines about dubious studies finding something that should sharpen or assuage some alleged guilt. But this is another false dichotomy. There can be categories of human activity that are socially valued but don't involve a paycheck. All parents do that kind of work, and most do the paid kind too.


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Laura Vanderkam

Laura Vanderkam

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Laura Vanderkam is the author of All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending (Portfolio, 2012), and 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Portfolio, 2010). She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and three children, and blogs daily at www.lauravanderkam.com.

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Ali El Assal

my roomate's aunt makes $81/hr on the computer. She has been unemployed for eight months but last month her income was $18182 just working on the computer for a few hours. Here's the site to read more MorePay3.com

June 06 2012 at 2:20 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bellaluna

Is it a job? NO, because you don't get a monetary paycheck. Is it work? Hell yes! It starts whenever kiddo(s) wake up, and continues throughout the day until kiddo(s) are asleep (and oftentimes after that). Then you have to account for the "family accounting" - balancing the bank accounts, paying the bills on time, scheduling (and being present for) maintenance to the house/appliances, etc...

When you do ALL the child rearing, ALL the laundry (while kiddo runs through the piles of folded laundry), ALL the cooking, ALL the cleaning, ALL the EVERYTHING, it's WORK.

But a JOB? No. Because very little value is placed on stay-at-home moms.

May 14 2012 at 1:06 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
TFF17

In every life, some time is spent working for others. This is a "job". Other time is devoted to taking care of ourselves and our households.

There needs to be a balance between the two for a household to run effectively. Somebody needs to pick up the kids from school. Somebody needs to cook dinner. Somebody needs to do laundry, get groceries, mow the lawn, and mop the floor. Unless you are wealthy, you won't be paying other people to do these things for you.

Divide up the duties however makes the most sense for your own situation. You typically get a better salary and better benefits if one parent works full time than if each parent works part time. If both parents work full time, you end up spending much of the additional income on services that a stay-at-home parent could otherwise provide.

May 13 2012 at 8:29 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Albert Le

it is not a job. no one will pay you to raise your own kids. it does not add any value to anyone's life but your own. It is more of a hobby. why are pretty woman housewives? because if you are ugly, you won't get the benefit of being a housewife.

May 13 2012 at 7:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
flintskull1

No it is not a job. Are mothers a critical asset in the home? yes. Women that work full time and have kids still come home to be mothers. Still have help kids with homework, get dinner ready, be a wife sometimes too. So being a working mom is more work and one hell of a job

May 13 2012 at 7:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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