TSA Agents Find 7 Snakes In A Man's Pants, And More Airport Tales

TSA agents snakes pants"I've had it with these mother******* snakes on this mother******* plane!"

Fortunately, no snakes have ever swarmed a real-life airborne plane, requiring Samuel Jackson to save the day, like he did in the 2006 action-thriller "Snakes on a Plane." But there was a close call, according to Bob Burns, a social media analyst for the Transportation Administration Agency (and former TSA officer), who's been manning the agency's blog since 2008. In August last year, he wrote about one man at Miami International Airport, who tried to get through security with seven small snakes, as well as three turtles, hidden in woman's hosiery in his pants.

But most of the contraband that TSA agents confiscate, as Burns recounts in his "TSA Week in Review," is more dangerous, and less alive. Since December, agents have found three cannonballs, multiple inert hand grenades, a live teargas grenade, a grenade launcher, a cattle prod, a chainsaw, an antique firearm, a 2-foot machete, a stun gun disguised as lipstick, a knife disguised as lipstick, an abandoned bag with $22,000 inside, and two fantasy knives that "come in handy when slaying various mythological creatures."

There are also a lot of unfantastic knives, which have been hidden in hairbrushes, shoes and bags of pretzels. There are also razors, concealed in the linings of bags, or taped to the bottom of shoes. And of course, there's been a whole host of loaded firearms.

TSA agents get a lot of heat for purportedly strip-searching children and grandmas, and forcing hot girls to walk through body scanners for kicks. But Burns tries to dispel the myths, and his dispatches support the notion that TSA agents are working hard. For every stun gun that slips through the cracks, there are hundreds of loaded 9mm pistols that don't.

TSA agents also have to put up with some excitable passengers, such as one woman at Orlando International Airport. After she was told her container of olive oil exceeded the size limit, she reportedly opened the bottle and poured it over herself and the officer.

In a post-9/11 world, as our country wrestles with the tradeoff between security and freedom, TSA officers are right there at the center of it: enforcing the rules, and taking the grief. It's a high stress position. There are few jobs where a careless oversight could have more tragic consequences.

Despite this, agents never seem to succumb to Samuel Jackson-style outbursts. Well, except for this guy.

Next: Teacher Accused Of Forcing Student To Pee In Bucket

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TSA AGENT...Do you have anything we should know about... ?
ANSWER.... YES... I have snakes up my ass...

March 18 2012 at 3:51 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

but they didn't find my nail clipper. They did find my antique wristwatch, my father gave me for my high school graduation, and took it.

March 18 2012 at 1:50 PM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply

You know what your getting into when you buy a ticket!! They can search every where as far as I'm concerned. Or don't fly if you object to it. It would be a real bummer to be on a hijacked plane at 30,000 feet because the scanning process missed a weapon on the ground. Not alot of options left when the plane is moving at hundreds of miles per hour!!

March 18 2012 at 1:20 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to filliperogers's comment

I agree

March 18 2012 at 2:36 PM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
Big Steve

I am happy to see that something positive gets reported about TSA, ever since they been created all people report id the negative. People complain that our rights are violated by the TSA agaents what they forget to realize is that by them doing their job we can relax on when traveling. Last summer I traveled 12 times and had no problems when getting screened because I educated myself with the procedures and fully cooperated. I wish more would do the same.

March 18 2012 at 1:10 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

"I've had it with these mother******* snakes on this mother******* plane!"

Who's comment was this?

Well... "I've had it with these mother******* TSA agents on this mother******* planet"

March 18 2012 at 1:03 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I'm all for security and laud the screening efforts. But I recently traveled to Panama City on Copa Airlines. I was surprised that after the thorough turn-out of pockets etc, we then boarded the plane and the meal was served with real cutlery serrated knife and all.

March 18 2012 at 12:25 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

As Howard Stern always said want to see my trouser snake.

March 18 2012 at 12:03 PM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply

They put my girlfried into the Scanner. When she came out, she thought she was Marylin Monroe.
No, it's ok, I like her better this way !...Al-

March 18 2012 at 11:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
fred t hill

i just loooove all those sweet lil ol tsa workers! heck as a 52year old granny theres nothing better than my cpap machine getting bomb tested,me getting xrayed and patted down and all my meds gone thru one by one(and i have a lot) the folks behind me are always so happy with them too! good times lol

March 18 2012 at 10:33 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to fred t hill's comment

why are you so sick at 52?

March 18 2012 at 3:25 PM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to buddy7768's comment

And why is a guy named Fred calling himself a "granny?"

March 18 2012 at 4:17 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down

Don't know why in the post 9/11 world we struggle to find the balance between freedom and security. Benjamin Franklin understoof the issue from the very beginning when he said, “Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.”

March 18 2012 at 10:04 AM Report abuse +4 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to onechess's comment
Walter Seltzer

I wonder if Ben Franklin would have said that had he experienced hijacked jet aircraft commendered by Islamics barrel into buildings to murder over 3000 innocent American men, women and children.

I do not see the people complaining about the loss of freedom resulting from TSA screenings complaining about freedoms lost under some of the mandates under obamacare, edicts on what parents can feed their children, ordinances on the kinds of fast foods I can eat, etc.

March 18 2012 at 11:59 AM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
2 replies to Walter Seltzer's comment

Ask Bush and Cheney who actually committed those crimes against humanity. Ask Rumsfeld too. All of them were in on it and should be hung for treason. The lose of American freedoms are part of the republican plan. You need to do more research om 9/11.

March 18 2012 at 12:05 PM Report abuse -4 rate up rate down

yes he would have.his response,however would have been much different than this governments.you remember the verse "to the shores of tripoli".... those filthy animals would have been praying to statues of george washington instead ali baba

March 18 2012 at 3:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down

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