Craigslist Job Posting: 'Mega-Billionaire' Seeks 'Hot Twin Assassins'
"The very rich ... are different from you and me," wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald. And it's true. They can brand their names across their private jets. They can give dogs a $12 million trust fund. And they can employ two hot twin assassins to protect their vast wealth from an underground left-wing mafia.
A supposed "mega-billionaire" has placed an ad on Craigslist seeking to employ two "hot twin assassins." Applicants must be skilled in hand-to-hand combat, Warsaw and NATO Pact small arms, and TV-guided missiles, and be able to lift 40 pounds unassisted.
The ad is almost definitely a joke. The fact that the hires must relocate to his secret lair, and get laser eye correction if they're bespectacled ("I can't abide people wearing glasses"), all smack of a bored 20-something weaned on "Mortal Kombat" and comic books.
His desire for "backup sets of twin assassins," because the first set will likely get killed, is another hint that fantasy is afoot.
But a lot of people post crazy stuff on Craigslist. And a lot of it is real. There was the 28-year-old who posted an ad for a holiday girlfriend. There were the two dudes who offered a woman $50 to settle a score on whose penis was bigger. There was another man called Al who was looking for a friend called Betty, so they could sing the Paul Simon song "You Can Call Me Al" together and have a good laugh.
So "m4ww mega-billionaire," you should be ashamed of yourself. The economy is so down right now, that a job with full health and dental, flex spending, and a "fierce" 401(k) plan is something that a lot of Americans would kill for. Maybe even if it involves actually killing.
Update: AOL Jobs replied to the ad, posing as a set of twins, with Ivy League degrees in biomedical engineering, computer science, and modern middle east studies, two and three years experience respectively in the Israeli intelligence services, and a modeling career that included shoots for Pantagonia, the Gap, and Teen Vogue, as well as music videos for Atmosphere and MGMT.
"I TOTALLY wish I was actually a billionaire, because you would be hired," replied the poster. "Flat out. Firstly, your qualifications are top notch. If you are making it all up, you did a fantastic job. I applaud you. Second, you are the only person who has a twin."
He posted all the responses on his blog here (ours is at the bottom).
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Claire Gordon has contributed to Slate's DoubleX, the Huffington Post, and the book Prisons: Current Controversies. While an undergraduate at Yale University and a research fellow at Yale graduate school, she spoke on panels at Yale and Cornell, and reported from Cairo, Tokyo, and Berlin.
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