Originally published on COEDmagazine.com
So, you just graduated with your major - now what? Grad school? Professional school? Joining the work force? In honor of the recession and new grads having a hard time finding jobs that relate to their specific field, here is a list of ten jobs you definitely won't want after college - especially if you majored in the following:
1. Communication Major - Telemarketer
You spent four years of college studying media patterns, types of communications across cultures, and now you're putting those skills to good use by dialing numbers from your local area code and communicating that the person on the other line (usually an elderly person who doesn't understand what's going on) that they need their crawl space inspected. Wait, excuse me ma'am, you don't have a crawl space? While the point of your communications concentration was to teach you how communication ultimately benefits society in all aspects, you have a hard time figuring out the positive communication you're putting out into the world when nearly everyone hangs up on you.
2. Photography Major – Glamour Shots Photographer
After completing your senior portfolio, a compilation of over 50 photographs focused on women's bodies in nature, you are now photographing women in suburban American malls. Replace nature with three pounds of bronzer, finger paint for eyeshadow, and oil as eyeliner. Instead of photographing the hippie women of your senior thesis, you are not photographing everyone and anyone that walks in for the $10 deal of the week. Say cheese, nothing is glamorous about this job.
3. Psychology Major - Psych. Ward Janitor
You spent two years of your major focused on the human brain and the psychological theories of why people do what they do. And now, you get to observe what crazy people do and why they do it up close while you clean the ward's bathrooms, trash cans, and group therapy rooms. What about all those experiments you worked on in college to prove humans feelings toward guilt? Now, every day is a reminder of the guilt you feel for wasting your parent's money in the up and coming psychology major. Oh well, at least you have frequent guests such as Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
4. Environmental Studies Major - Lumberjack
You dedicated all your time to promoting peace in the world of environmentalism, but somehow you ended up here... at the top of a tree, pruning the branches off of it. With each fall of the branch, you know exactly what will come next... you will have to cut the very vulnerable tree trunk down. If a tree falls down in the forest does anyone here it fall? You're about to find out. This is your nightmare, but somehow your move to Portland, Oregon didn't go over too well and now you're at the top of the forest taking care of business in ways you thought would never be possible. Oh, and you're wearing plaid. Lots and lots of plaid, and not in a grungy post-Kurt Cobain grunge kinda way.
5. Pre-law Major - Bail Bondsman
So, instead of declaring a specific major, you focused on taking classes pertaining to the law because well, you have always dreamed of being a lawyer. Too bad you didn't do well on the LSAT and picked up a few misdemeanor charges throughout college because now you're watching Dog The Bounty Hunter reruns in hopes that you can learn better bail bondsman business traits. Although you aren't litigating, you feel like you're doing your part with one criminal at a time.
6. Zoology Major - Kennel Cleaner
Instead of going all the way to become a veterinarian, you decided to take a year or two off. Instead of doing research on some kind of animal disease or working at a zoo or aquarium, you decide to work as a kennel cleaner. Yeah, all your studying for the last four years is being flushed down the drain with the dog crap that you are spraying down after you arranged it into a nice pile. Animals are cute and fuzzy and amusing, but do you still feel the same way after picking up their poop day after day?
7. Biology/Pre-Med Major - EMT
Looks like you couldn't pass the MCAT, so you decided to become an EMT. You want to save people! Great! But now you are up at all hours of the night, delivering babies (even though you don't know how to properly) in the back of a moving vehicle, and making frequent trips to dangerous neighborhoods for gun shot wound victims. You have had more bodily fluids on you than a first year intern would out of medical school, yet you don't really have any experience. You may feel accomplished, but the pay check reminds you - you don't have the MD quite yet.
8. Education Major – Babysitter
Instead of having your own classroom this year, you are a babysitter to two toddlers. Sure, they look cute, but they are vicious. You wipe more butts than you probably ever will if you have your own kids. You get covered in food, as if you were the trash can. Every day is spent pretending that you're teaching the kids something, but instead, you're really just teaching them patience before you blow your lid. Even though you won't be making much as a babysitter, at least it's a realistic expectation for when you actually start teaching in the public school system.
9. Political Science Major - Dairy Farmer
So, you spent all your time taking political science classes trying to figure out as much as you could about politics - especially food politics. You're a hardcore vegan, and you have planned to dedicate your life to the cause of protecting animals. Especially dairy cows. If only you took those internships in D.C. instead of interning on a commune every summer, you could be on Capital Hill now working towards animal rights. Instead, you're milking a cow. The very animal you swore you would protect. Moo!
10. Math Major - Cashier
You made it through the hardest math classes possible. Hell - you made an A in all of them. Too bad you can't find a job that cares about your out-of-this-world math skills. Now, you are doing numbers, but letting a dirty, old machine calculate it for you - you work at the local convenience store. Your day consists of "That will be $5!" and "Here's your change, 3 cents! Want your receipt?" Forget graphing the daily sales, it doesn't matter. The more you stand behind the counter and punch numbers into the register, the more you forget anyways.
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