UBS Gives Employees 43 Pages of Strict Appearance Guidelines

Likely it will take a lot more than a 43-page booklet on how employees should "Dress for Success" to restore the battered UBS banking brand. But, nevertheless UBS is sure trying.

Earlier this month, you might recall that trustee for the Madoff Ponzi scheme victims Irving Picard filed a complaint against UBS to recover $555 million. And, ever since the global financial crash in 2008, this Swiss bank has had its share of scandals. For instance, it agreed to pay $780 million in 2009 to avoid U.S. prosecution on charges of helping wealthy Americans dodge taxes.

Well, for what it's worth, here's its hail Mary pass. Today, the media, including The Wall Street Journal, reported on how UBS distributed a 43-page detailed guide on appearance to its Swiss retail staff.

Some of the appearance do's and don'ts include:


For Women:

  • Do wear light makeup consisting of foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick.
  • Do wear skirts that reach the middle of the knee (with a tolerance for extending 5 centimeters below the joint).
  • Don't let your hair roots show.
  • Don't touch up perfume during or after lunch break.
  • Don't wear black nail polish and nail art.
  • Don't wear more than seven jewels.
  • Don't wear new shoes.

For Men:

  • Do store your suit on a large hanger with rounded shoulders.
  • Do schedule barber appointments every four weeks to maintain your haircut shape.
  • Do match your tie knot to your face or body type.
  • Do wear a watch.
  • Don't wear cuff links.
  • Don't dye your hair.
  • Don't wear socks that are too short, showing your skin while sitting. Black knee-highs are best.
  • Don't let fingernails grow longer than 1.5 millimeters.

For Both:

  • Do wear dark gray, black, and navy blue.
  • Do wear underwear that is skin-toned and is "made of superior quality textiles."
  • Do button dress coats when standing and open when sitting.
  • Don't let your underwear show.
  • Don't eat garlic and onions -- ever.
  • Don't smoke or spend time in smoke-filled places.

On the one hand, "Dress for Success" has been known to give some individuals and organizations the edge. Remember those power suits on Wall Street? However, a tailored appearance can't help much if the brand needs a turnaround.

If fact, too polished a look could be a liability. When the Chrysler Company required an overhaul led by Lee Iacocca, the public relations department leveraged the frayed carpets in the executive suite as a sign of the company's total focus on business and its embrace of simple ways.

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J.R.

They left off in the for both section, that ones head is only permitted up one's ass when appointed to upper management, if upper management spent more time worried about the type of business they are conducting as opposed to how big can I make my bonus thru deception, greed and general overall ignorance, it might be a better world, but in their defense it is probably the only time they feel powerful and try to exercise their absurd authority. I personally feel that if their bonus consisted of new kneepads yearly they might be most effective.

December 16 2010 at 10:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Jennifer

This bank is on the right track. If they want business then the employees better look capable and professional. One bad habit that bothers me is gum chewing and gum cracking. I will walk out of a building just to get away from it. I certainly would not stand in front of a bank teller who is chewing and cracking gum. I would go to another window or just come back another day.

December 16 2010 at 8:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Jennifer

Of course it is legal.

December 16 2010 at 8:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Debbe

This can't be legaL, it says you cannot eat garlic or onions - EVER. Also, women have to have their roots dyed, I can't afford coloring as often as I like so I would not be able to go to this company if this is all true.

December 16 2010 at 7:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
ay

This reminds me of a long-ago top-level boss who had the worst breath on the planet; not from food, mind you, but because of serious dental disease. Wish he had that rule book!

December 16 2010 at 7:51 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
lisa07033

For Everyone>
Don't be stupid enough to apply for a job here. If you do your nuts!!!!

December 16 2010 at 7:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Barry Hayden

Mark's man - Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

December 16 2010 at 6:40 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Barry Hayden

Reply to TC(john)BURCH: Companies are not people. Companies have no rights; only individual people have rights. The creatures that run companies should learn that without happy, well compensated employees, no company. America is in the toilet because of corporations caring less about their employees than they care about their bottom lines. Every time I hear some over paid corporate talking head spout off about having a duty to their stock holders I want to vomit.Their first duty is to their employees; then their customers. Thank you.

December 16 2010 at 6:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
jay love

UH...UBS does have branches here in many cities in the states, NYC, LA, San Francisco,Boston, etc...etc...etc...they expect the same uniformity at all their work places, not just Switzerland!

December 16 2010 at 6:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bn

hahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

December 16 2010 at 6:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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