Battle of the Business Cards -- Job Titles You'll Want!

job titleI am not a blogger -- I'm an online information disseminator, if you please. As a freelance writer who does lots of different things within that framework, I sometimes find it difficult to market myself to potential employers.

I don't have a job title. But if I did, I want it to sound very important and super-fancy. Like I went to graduate school. Not that there's anything wrong (I mean, differently logical) with traditional terms for occupations, but here are some snazzy new ones you might want to learn before your next job hunt (that is, employment-intel-gathering mission).

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Boring Old Title

Snazzy New Title

Coffee House Barista

Beverage Dissemination Officer

Dog Walker

Canine Cardio Commander


Child-Rearing and Development Coordinator

Complaints Dept.

Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant

Lunch Lady

Education Center Nourishment Consultant

Short Order Cook

Field Nourishment Implementer

Truck Driver

Freight Logistics Distributor

Phone Sales

Front-line Customer Finding Facilitator

Makeup Counter Clerk

Health and Beauty Counselor

Dish Washer

Silverware and Saucer Hygiene Technician

File Clerk

Information Logistics Operative

Paper Boy

Media Distribution Officer


Mortar Logistics Engineer


Online Business Developer

Shelf Stacker

Product Replenishment Officer

Window Cleaner

Transparency Enhancement Facilitator

Car Wash Attendant

Vehicle Restoration Engineer

Those were made-up job titles, but they are not too far off the mark. If you'd like a little more serious breakdown of this linguistic evolution of ours, please click here for that article. (By the way, that's not the end of this blog. It's a stopping-point with an invitation to educate.)

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Filed under: Office Humor
Staci Wilson

Staci Wilson


Staci Layne Wilson is a freelancer in the entertainment and fashion field. She blogs about the celebrities she interviews at I Dress, Therefore I Blog and tweets about her coffee breaks at Twitter / StaciWilson.

What's more, she had her first article published in a national magazine when she was 12, and has been writing professionally ever since.

She's had seven novels published, as well as three non-fiction books. Staci writes regularly for L'Ecran Fantastique Magazine, is an Editor-At-Large for Buzzine Magazine, and has several online outlets for her movie reviews and celebrity interviews. She is an on-camera reporter for TV-Wire and the SyFy Channel. Her website is (appropriately enough)

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