Outrageous Ways to Say 'I Quit'

quitIf you've ever had a job you despised so much it hurt, then take heart. You are not alone! And every so often, when the time is just right, you might just find an outrageous way to say "I Quit!"

But beware, sometimes quitting in a flamboyant manner can backfire, as our first author ruefully remembers.

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Power-Pointedly slamming the door

I always wanted an office job and when I finally found one, I was ecstatic. I would come in every day at 8AM and leave at 5PM. My job required me to answer and route incoming phone calls, set appointments, file paper work, do minor data entry and, once in a while, do some office maintenance.

And for $10 an hour, it was easy.

One morning, I went into work as usual and was in the middle of setting up an appointment when my boss came to my desk. He started telling me about how he wanted to do a business deal with this big company. He was really excited and he needed all the help that I could give him. Of course, I agreed. My first assignment was to do a PowerPoint presentation about what we had to offer them as a company, explaining our product and what was so great about it.

The next day, I came in with my PowerPoint project and my boss sat quietly through it. He wanted everything to be perfect, so he gave me some changes. He told me to condense it, that it was too long. Over the course of the week, I fixed it a dozen times, and each time he had the same exact complaints. I began to realize that it seemed as if nothing would ever be good enough.

One day away from the major business deal, I walked in to find another girl sitting behind my desk. I talked to my boss and he told me he wanted me to only concentrate on the business deal, that I was going to be paid $8 an hour (instead of $10) and that I should go and pick up coffee for him. I could feel myself about to cry and I left in a hurry. Not only was I replaced, but I was demoted!

I worked on the PowerPoint presentation until the last possible minute, so he wouldn't have time to review it. My boss thanked me and told me to tell the new girl to call and reserve a table for us at this upscale sushi bar and that he was promoting me to $12 an hour for my hard work and dedication.

My heart stopped beating because all I wrote on that PowerPoint presentation in bold, bright colors were the words: "I QUIT!"

Alexandra Erwin


Hitting the stage

While I was a sophomore in high school, I had a job as a sound tech for the middle school's plays and musicals. I had volunteered to help with them back when I was in the sixth grade, and the tech teacher who gave me that chance thought I did a good job, and asked me to come back after I left the middle school.

He paid $50 a week, and this gig only lasted two weeks; but when you are a high-school student, $100 is a big deal. So was the musical -- especially for the music and tech departments, since it allowed them to work together for a few weeks every year putting on a big show.

This was great in theory, but the music teacher, Mrs. Wier, was one of those teachers that always needed to be in control. One afternoon during the rehearsal, some feedback came from one of the actor's microphones. Mrs. Wier rushed to the back of the auditorium where the soundboard was, pushed me out of the way and shut off the soundboard, resulting in a minor power surge and the blowing of two speakers.

She blamed the whole problem on me and said that I would be moved to stage crew for the musical, "seeing as you couldn't prevent damages from happening."

This threw me over the edge. I had decided to quit, and I had just the way to do it. The evening of the full-dress rehearsal, I snuck into the auditorium early and rigged up a sound loop I had recorded earlier, of her yelling at the star actor. When the lights went out, and the music was to be played for the curtain opening, the new sound guy pressed play and my special loop started, with her berating voice booming into the theater.

As soon as it was finished the curtain opened, and there I was, standing on stage, dressed exactly as she was. I flipped her off and yelled "Up yours!" Her jaw dropped and she stood there in shock.

Needless to say, I didn't get paid and was never invited back.

J. Maroney



Doing it by the book

I was a bouncer at a bar. It was deadly boring, so I always brought a book. Almost as a routine, the bar manager would come by every night and ask what I was reading. I would tell him, and we would talk books for a minute and he would go on his way.

After six weeks of this, I got fired -- for reading on the job!

The real reason I was fired was that the bar manager was the perfect target for my juvenile sense of humor and I was always making him the butt of a few clever pranks here and there -- jokes that he amply deserved. But, he couldn't pin any of those on me, exactly, so instead he fired me for reading on the job.

After I got fired, I went back and asked for my job back.

I told him that while I worked there, night after night, he had asked what I was reading and discussed the book with me. And he never once mentioned, "Hey, don't read on the job, it isn't allowed."

We debated this for a while. Then he finally said, "OK, you can have your job back."

I said, "Are you kidding me? I don't want the stupid job back. I just wanted to make my point." And I quit!

Anthony Hall


Telling the world about his cheatin' heart

quitIt was the glorious 1980s, and you can just guess what my hair and clothes looked like! "Big" doesn't even begin to describe my hair.

During my annual review, my boss commented that I was the "limit of the norm" that the company accepted as employee material and threatened to let me go if I didn't change my look. Believe me, I could see the writing on the wall -- and I had no intention of changing my "stylish" look -- so I politely picked up my review paper and left his office, and began to plan my revenge. Just a few months later I was able to serve it up COLD, which is always the best way!

At the company party I marched right up to his wife and told her all the gory details of his latest fling with another woman, and told her that I was quitting because I couldn't stand his cheating ways. I then broke out into the song 'Your Cheatin' Heart,' belting it out as loud as I could. And as I finished a verse of that telling tune, I plastered a big smile on my face and sauntered out of the party, pretty as you please.

I still laugh when I think of the look on her (and his!) face.

-- K. F. Slocum

Next: More Creative Ways to Quit a Job >>


Filed under: Office Humor

Jenny Peters

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mikey

I was reading these posts and I thought about how working for a pushy salesman in Arcadia, CA, was one of the worst jobs I've ever had. This guy couldn't hold onto an employee for more than a few weeks. I was so fed up with his b.s. racist attitude towards African Americans/Hispanic Americans and his overwhelming need to pressure people to make sales. One lady had purchased an entire Japanese Samurai armor set and when she came to pick up the head piece, he tried to get her to spend an extra $50 for a set of small "Last Samurai" swords when she needed to pay her mortgage. It was unbelievable to see this. I was also subjected to his prayer music - I understand that devoute Muslims pray 5 times a day, but does he really need to play the prayer music when the store is open and he's not around? He even prayed in front of the customers and offended many potential customers. He made me play it when he wasn't even in the store! It became too much so I quit - I told him I was going back to school (which was true) but he has so much hatered towards ex-employees that I was told not to sell anything to people who had worked there before me. I'm glad he went out of business.

September 03 2010 at 6:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Mike

Im not even sure the boss was cheating, I think she just wanted to get him in an argument which is a little better I guess since if the wife is a reasonable person Im sure they worked it out. The author of the article does sound like a brat though, "pretty as can be"? Somebody lied to you honey if thats your real picture, you look kind of fluffy to me!

August 02 2010 at 1:11 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
AnnaE12

Oh come on people! These are funny! Lighten UP!!! :)

July 23 2010 at 11:41 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Ricky

I quit my job after the company over the period of many months paid us late...I mean say payday was this friday I would get paid next friday and the bank would put a three day hold on the check because the company I worked for has bounced many a check. some employees checks bounced or the money was taken back during the hold period. Then on top of that my boss was on me about things that didn't make sense. Then im doing the work of two people while co workers are chilling in the break room. They wanted me to come to work on time but didn't want to pay me on time. I got tired of that and I just didn't show up on my sch day to work. I could deal with a reduction in pay. I could deal with a reduction of work hours (Didn't wanna be there anyway!) But, paying me one to two weeks later...Unacceptable. One check was even reduced to min wage and it was given late. Unacceptable!!!! My bills were already late and debt collectors were calling. I didn't have any money anyway so at this point I felt it was better to go broke than to work for free. By the time I did get paid it was all owed out anyway!!! So what was the point of wasting my time?

July 21 2010 at 3:33 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Twin

I've read a few comments and I think a lot of people have missed a few key aspects of this article. 1)it's filed under "Confessions, Just For Fun" 2)they didn't say these were good ideas 3)everyone of these stories seemed to have happened a long time ago, I can only assume early in their working life.

I can only hope that each of them have learned from their mistakes or have changed careers. And the comment about firing Alexandria today for something she did on her first job is ludicris. Life is too short to live in the past, so just learn from it.

July 16 2010 at 5:52 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
David

The flip side of this is when an employer will not say anything good about an employee for fear of losing them. I had this happened and lost the opportunity to move on to bigger and better things. Instead I was stuck in a dead end job in a small mom and pop co. My employer at the time even confessed to me years later that he had done this because he could not afford to lose a good worker. I of course took this as a compliment but it cost me dearly. He paid halff of what the other co. would have offered me. I finally left but it was a powerful lesson in human nature.

July 16 2010 at 12:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Melody

As an employer, all the people who quit seemed to be minimum wage workers. No offense, but they all have bad attitudes, and an attitude of "whats in it for me" instead of what can I learn, contribute, or achieve with the job. No matter what the job, employers "always" reward good employees with great attitudes and work ethic. Hope everyone finds the job of your dreams..

July 15 2010 at 5:14 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Melody's comment
Ricky

That's not always true...I didn't get rewarded at my job at all. In fact I got paid late and reduced to min wage and that check was late.

July 21 2010 at 3:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Rock

I once quit an arm of Boeing, their flight training center, because the management there was just screwing the clients to the wall. Cut support personel, cut corners, didn't care if the clients were able to eat. Just got too weird for me. Management there just does not care. They are slowly going down the tubes too. I call that justice.

July 15 2010 at 3:03 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
FightNemOFF

The legal atmosphere of what is allowed and what is illegal seems to be hotter than french fry grease. Employers can resort to high-tech ways to moniter their abused, ungrateful, and back-stabbing employees. Practicing techniques from blatantly whispering every word the employee says into thier hidden digital recorders to 24/7 hidden fiber-optic reality show camaras. If an employer wants to bust a disliked employee, then every word and video-image of that employee can and will be used against them. Big business has unlimited access to technology nobody has ever seen and can do anything it wants. It is a different world today than it was when our parents or our grandparents, or in some cases our great-grandparents were used and abused wage slaves. Today, millions of people are unemployed because major companies may have moved jobs out of the USA because of third-degree legal burns. I can't afford to leave my minimum-wage part-time job with limited benefits over possibly management-originated illegal behavior or working conditions to join the unemployment line to collect a third of peanuts! Intrinsically, it may be our duty to endure the slings and arrows of mismanagement to rescue our workplace economies from a high-turnover lawsuit-inspired atmosphere. As a final note, companys' policies and rules exist for the protection of the employees because the employees are their companies' bread and butter, so mean, abusive, and policy-ignorant managers may need to be the ones shown to the exit door, not rewarded for keeping labor under-budget because of stylishly-quitting employees.

July 15 2010 at 2:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to FightNemOFF's comment
David

As a manager I looked into doing something very simular to moniter employees who were stealing us blind. I found out that doing this is actually illegal in our state. I could not only lose my job but go to prison for a long time for this. I think there are also federal laws that prohibit this as well. Plus, this is extremely expensive. In a plant of 100 employees we would need about 500 cameras with 500 moniters for full coverage. Some companies do this with rotating cameras for partial coverage but still would need about 100 moniters for those 500 cameras. To monitor those cameras we would have needed at least 25 additional employees. Believe me, we found out the hard way that it is best just to do a thorough job checking background and doing a drug screening to weed out potential bad employees. then again, some employers use the intimidation of rumours and general paranoia to frighten their employees out of stealing. Honestly I wish our employees would spread rumours about hidden cameras and microphones. It would save us a lot of trouble and would cut down on emplyee theft so go right ahead and tell the whole world about your theories. It will only help business owners to do so.

July 16 2010 at 1:04 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
BraceWinslow

Reputable companies can and will check your background of employment. If you pull these kinds of stunts on previous employers who gave you a bad recommendation, and they find out, even though you can give them reasons why, they would consider you as a risk because you might do something like that to them. Give a two week notice and leave in a dignified manner.

July 15 2010 at 2:40 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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