Telemarketer Tells All

telemarketerI used to hate my job. Not just a normal "I don't wanna go to work" kind of dislike, but a deep-seated, scathing, fire-of-a-thousand-suns type of hate. I worked in a cramped cubicle calling people all day. I dealt with supervisors who had more children than IQ points. I was the guy that calls during dinner, offers you a service you don't want or need, and won't stop talking long enough for you to tell him off. I was a telemarketer -- and these are my confessions.

See average salaries for telemarketers.

I started telemarketing my first year of college. These places have a very high turnover rate, so I scored a job relatively quickly, along with my best friend, "Jacob." At first it wasn't so bad; but as your enthusiasm wears thin your sales go down -- along with your commission. Bad management compounds the problem; and before you know it, you're out of that "go get 'em" attitude instilled during training.

Hare are a few pieces of advice if you are dealing with a telemarketer:

  1. Be polite. If you are rude, there is a small button we can press that will schedule a callback in three days, or two days, or five minutes. If you're really rude there is an option to call you back in Spanish, depending on the area you live in.
  2. Don't tell the telemarketer to "take you off of their calling list." They'll say they will, but they don't have to and will probably schedule you for a callback in five minutes in Spanish. Instead, ask them to "Put me on your DO NOT CALL list." Telemarketing is usually done out of the phone book, so there isn't a calling list to remove your name from.
  3. Make sure you give them enough time to tell you who they're calling for. I once had a gentleman stop me as soon as I said hello, requesting to be put on our "do not call list." Since he had no idea whose services he was refusing, it was against protocol for me to place him on this list. When he asked for our company name I replied that he seemed rather busy and we would call him back another time. I listened to him scream obscenities at me for a few minutes and scheduled a callback in three days. In Spanish.

After we tired of pretending to do our jobs, we started recording prank calls to customers with the small tape recorder meant to tape sales. The quality-control department left two hours before us, so we were left to our own devices during this time. I would routinely call people and tell them I was Jerry Garcia and hang up. We did this for months, taking the tapes home to listen to when drunk.

When these antics wore thin, we would bring in a tape of nasty, angry, tooth-gnashing metal and rewire the tape recorders to play this music to the client. Nothing is quite as hilarious as listening to someone who thinks they are on hold waiting to talk to a customer-service representative with Slayer playing. Sometimes we would record drunk conversations between each other and play those. Sometimes it was polka. Sometimes it was an infomercial we had taped. It was always hilarious.

At the end of our run, Jacob and I simply stopped working. We would clock in, walk out, and come back eight hours later to clock out. Eventually we decided to get other jobs, but it still took them two months to figure out that we hadn't been in and to fire us. In spite of how much I hated the job, it does make for a good story every once in awhile. Especially when I'm listening to recordings of irate customers and knocking back a few cold ones.

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October 11 2011 at 5:58 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Sarah Brown

I don't think that the way that you presented in this entry was first relevant to "Telemarketers" and second relevant to "tells all" or rather telling. You merely associated yourself with the percentage of youths in America that can't get a life and are spoiled brats. I said that your title is irrelevant because first its not about telemarketing and second you did not tell us "all" or rather "anything" for that matter. Such a shame. This is why jobs are being sent overseas. outsource telemarketing is a huge business that could be a key in getting more jobs in the states rather than companies getting them offshore. This is the same as b2b telemarketing company, where with the growing industry I think that a lot of people can get jobs. But with reading this I'm thinking that maybe American big shot are right to get services off shore after all.

April 19 2010 at 3:21 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

There's NO WAY NOT to be rude to any telemarketer!
I have TRIED many times to be polite, but when an individual
can't stop long enough to take a breath and allow me to ask
a question, then I simply hang up the phone. I don't care.
No one wants to hear someone with diahrrea of the mouth go
on and on with endless prattle. As far as putting me on a call back, I dont care about that either, all I do is click the phone on then right back off, no problem. They'd have more customers if they'd lay off the long winded crap and let the customer have a word or two.

April 09 2010 at 1:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Ah, to have the benefit of being on the outside looking in. As outrageous as it may seem, this story is not uncommon. I am one of millions of ex-telemarketers who have lived almost the same story. High schoolers left to their own devices? You've seen how they act in public. So you could imagine about 200 of them unsupervised AND anonymous. Whether you like it or not, that's how the cookie crumbles. If I had a nickel for everytime I answered a call as "Razor Ramon"...

April 09 2010 at 4:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
pam rugg

This is a made-up article. I really have done telemarketeting and have a friend who is very successful at it, and not much rings true.Call backs are not scheduled, there aren't any controllable recorders, and it's a bit much to accept that a company wouldn't notice he was missing before 2 months. It was creative writing though. My friend who is successful has never lost his enthusiam. This guy was never a telemarketer but he has created a couple of creepy charecters.

February 22 2010 at 12:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Edith Ann

You deal with telemarketers by simply hanging up, or why not let the answering machine take your calls, that's what they are for. And at dinner time or any other time you do not want to be bothered, simply push the mute button, just remember to turn your phone back to it's norm. I remember onne time I had these idiots saying they were from Giove&Giove law firm and if I didn't pay up they were sending the sheriff to get me, I said please do, he's awful damn good looking and I will ride in his back seat anyday. These people are scammers and liars, and do not let these losers humilate you, they are little barking dogs who shiver at their shadows. I know one time here where I live one got caught at their own game, he was so stupid and greedy he thought these people were going to meet him wherever he wanted them to and they would pay him cash and all the things the fool wanted to hear, and believe it or not he showed up, got the crap beat and kicked out of him, might even have died, anyway no one cared. Bet he won't be laughing anymore. You treat these people like the trash they are, they are the ones who don't pay their own bills and they are criminals themselves so telemarketers you better watch your back, people will only take so much. So find you a real job.

February 19 2010 at 1:38 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

You guys need to calm down!
You'd all be lying to say you never had a job that you absolutely hated before. What does a kid do who hates his job this much and really wishes he had made another choice?
He waits to get fired.
Its the same thing kids do at school, and at home, ect.

Why can't you just appreciate the guy for his honesty? Im sure you would rather read some flowery detail about how awesome it was to piss you off at dinner every night, but i find this much more refreshing. Its human, at least, and uncensored.

February 06 2010 at 7:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This is a crock of sh..! The largest lie is about him clocking in and coming back eight hours later to clock out. Are you kidding me? No, sorry, it doesn't work that way. There are other people there - duh..... And generally all calls are taped to check on customer service. I don't think he could have lasted more than 3 days. This guy needs a life or a jail cell.

February 06 2010 at 5:15 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I was pretty disgusted from reading what the author had to say. Why should I have to listen to what they are selling, why should I have to give them the time, when, if I wanted the product I would call myself and find out what I wanted to know.

I don't believe I have ever been rude to telemarkerters, but I am wasting my time and their own by extending the phone call just to hear about a service I will never get. I don't consider that rude, to simply cut the phone call off- like I said, it's a waste of my time and theirs.

What BS this person spewed while writing this article.

February 06 2010 at 4:41 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Yeah, this guy sounds like a real fool. If a telemarketer calls me, I will listen to his sales pitch, politely reject him, and then ask him to stop calling. If he or she continues to call after this request has been made, then I will get nasty and cuss them out. OR, if the person refuses to identify the company he or she is calling on behalf of or hangs up the phone, then I will also get irritated with them, cuss them out, and then report them, as my number is on the do not call list. If they choose to violate the do not call regulations, anything I say to them is fair game.

February 03 2010 at 12:10 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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